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Imagine this: after a satisfying weekend of partying, you’re ready to come back to work. Monday morning arrives, and as you walk through the door, you hear the worst possible thing from office rumor mill: there’s a random drug test happening soon.
Even the best of us have been in this sticky situation before. There’s no reason your social life outside of work should cost you your career. Thankfully, there are a whole lot of products you can turn to in your time of need.
Before you buy into your buddy’s sales pitch about “foolproof” detox drinks, cleansing pills, or natural home remedies, take a moment to step back and think about what’s at stake. Do you really want to risk your future by relying on methods that aren’t guaranteed to work? Or do you want to sleep easy at night, knowing that you’re sure to pass that drug test?
The smart (and easy) way out is by using synthetic urine on test day. Of all the fake pee brands out there (read our guide), one name comes up over and over again: Monkey Whizz. Is it truly worth the hype, or is it just another scam? Read on to find out.
Monkey Whizz Kit Review
Serious Monkey Bizzness is the genius behind the revolutionary Monkey Whizz synthetic urine. For the last 15 years, they’ve established themselves as one of the best in the business. They pride themselves on selling products that really work. Their whole line of products, including Monkey Whizz, are priced fairly and affordably. They offer overnight shipping, so you don’t have to worry about those last-minute test schedules.
Serious Monkey Bizzness is also hella serious about privacy – their website is secure, they don’t store any of your personal information, and they bill and ship discreetly. Their company name, or what you bought, won’t show up on any of the shipping labels or credit card statements.
Monkey Whizz is only available online from their official website. They claim that it’s for novelty or fetish use only, but we can’t ignore the fact that it delivers excellent results as a urine substitute for drug tests. Monkey Whiz contains exactly the same ingredients that make up organic human piss, with the correct uric acid, liquid color, amount of foaming, pH, and creatinine just like the real thing.
This brand of fake pee mimics natural urine so well, that it even grows bacteria in the same way once the sample’s been exposed to air. Monkey Whizz comes with heat pads that are specifically designed to bring the sample to the exact temperature needed to pass tests. It’s also totally unisex, so both men and women can enjoy the results of this product.
What Comes With the Kit
The Monkey Whizz kit comes complete with all the items you need to ace that drug test:
- A 3.5 oz bag of the Monkey Whizz brand urine. This is more than enough to fill a standard collection cup since you only need to submit 2-3oz of your pee.
- Temperature strip. The temperature strip is already conveniently attached to the bag. It has large, easy to read numbers, and will help you monitor the temperature of the sample. This will make sure that it’s at the right temperature before you hand it over to the lab for testing.
- One adjustable cotton elastic belt. This high-quality, medical-grade elastic belt will keep the bag securely strapped to your body.
- Two heating pads. Most other kits come with a warmer of some sort, but this kit comes with TWO. The Monkey Whizz heating pads are specifically designed to run at the ideal body temperature of 94-96F. They’re self-adhering, so there’s no need to fuss with tape or rubber bands. It will keep the bag warm for up to 8 hours.
- A urinator kit, which is basically a thin tube that you will use to drain the pee into the collection cup.
Important Reminders
Passing a drug test with synthetic urine is all about getting the temperature right. The pee must be at or close to natural body temperature, or 94-96F. Strapping the bag close to your body will help maintain it at the right heat level, but you can use heat pads as well. You don’t have to use the ones included in the kit, but they are specially designed to bring it up to the exact temperature. Your run-of-the-mill hand warmers could be too hot and end up overheating the urine.
You should always buy Monkey Whizz from a reputable source directly from the authorized dealer. Online shops like Amazon or eBay might offer Monkey Whizz kit at a huge discount, but in this case, you really get what you pay for. Those sellers might be peddling low-quality knock-offs or expired urine kits; losing your job isn’t worth the few bucks you’re gonna save.
You can store Monkey Whizz for up to a year from the date of purchase, as long as it remains unopened. There is a “use by” date on the bottom of the box, just in case you forget. Once the seal is broken, you need to use the sample right away to retain its freshness. If you absolutely had to, though, you could store it in the fridge for 1-2 days after opening and it should still work.
How to Use Monkey Whizz
Unlike other kits that have complicated or hard-to-follow instructions, Monkey Whizz has a really simple 4-step process to passing your drug test:
1. On the day of your test, tear open one of the heating pads and stick it on the bag.
NOTE: Other brands’ synthetic urine can be microwaved, but Serious Monkey Bizzness doesn’t recommend you microwave Monkey Whizz. It could overheat and render your sample invalid. The heat pads are designed to work perfectly with the flask.
2. Secure the belt around your waist. The tube should be pointing downwards. If the tube is too long, you can cut it, but don’t cut it too short or else you will have a hard time emptying the pee into the cup. Make sure the bag is strapped against your skin to help maintain the correct temperature. Wear the bag for at least an hour before the test.
3. Right before submitting the sample, check the temperature strip. It should read near or around 94-96F to be valid.
4. Drain the pee into the cup using the urinator kit. Don’t put too much, 2-3oz is more than enough for lab technicians to test the pee.
Does Monkey Whizz Work?
Human pee has a very exact combination of a long list of ingredients. Labs will not only look at the color, smell, and amount of foam, but also at the pH, specific gravity, creatinine, and urea. The great news is that Monkey Whizz looks, smells, and is made up of the exact same things as real, human piss. It even grows bacteria once exposed to air, just like the real thing.
We love Monkey Whizz for female because it delivers excellent results, and the rest of the internet agrees with us. It’s gotten rave reviews on every forum and blog about the topic because…well, it just works. As long as it’s at the right temperature, have no fear using this brand.
The fact that it’s unisex makes it a great choice for anyone. Women, in particular, will find the urinator kit easy to use and hide, even during supervised drug tests. For men, the same company sells the Monkey Dong which is the exact same formula but with a penis attachment suitable for supervised tests.
Compared to its closest competitor, the Whizz Kit, Monkey Whizz is smaller, cheaper, and easier to use. Even better, you can buy some now and save it for future emergencies, thanks to its one-year shelf life.
FAQs
Q: Does monkey whizz contain creatine?
A: Yes, Monkey Whizz contains uric acid and creatinine. This products emulates human piss. If creatinine is found in human piss, then it will be in this kit.
Q: Can you microwave monkey whizz?
A: Yes, you can microwave the contents of the product bottle for about 20 seconds.
Q: Where is the store that sells monkey whizz near me?
You can you order Monkey Whizz from authorized online dealers and they can ship it to you overnight. Convenient store or unauthorized online stores might offer it at a huge discount, but in this case, you really get what you pay for.
Conclusion
To wrap this up, Monkey Whizz is a great, affordable brand you can rely on to clear your drug test. Its fake piss formula is so similar to natural, organic pee that it’s virtually undetectable by a lab. Serious Monkey Bizzness has been in the fake pee industry for over 15 years, and thanks to how amazing Monkey Whizz is, we can see them sticking around for much, much longer.
